Sorry about the delay of posting this blog, but as promised - Here it is.
Many of you jumped to conclusions the night that I posted on my twitter: "It's so peaceful up here... My heart says jump, but my brain says don't do it." Which understandably should be taken the wrong way.
I received an sms from someone who I once adored, telling me to kill myself.
And tell me honestly, what person would not be hurt by that? You'd have to be a robot not to be affected by it.
In a faze of downing a bottle of straight vodka, and breaking my promise to myself about keeping on the right track; I "Tweeted" that status.
Not to get more attention as most of you say, not to get the media to follow me.
You see, I'm the kind of person that says anything that's on my mind. And for the first time in my life, I'll admit - I did feel suicidal.
But, nevertheless, I would never attempt to actually kill myself.
The amount of people that I have seen or known who have committed have not only ended their own lives, but the people around them.
I rejected so many calls that night, refusing to speak to anyone.
Refusing help, refusing love.
I eventually sub missed to someone who I could trust with my heart and soul.
This person *I'll name her Beck* knows who she is, and I'm sure alot of you could guess upfront who I am talking about; Beck Is an amazing woman, friend and supportive figure to me.
She has been with me through everything since May, and I cannot even recall how many times she's saved my ass.
Words cannot describe how much she means to me. And; I'd like to thank her, So much that I'm booked in for a tattoo next week to get her last name on my inner right arm!
Getting a bit off track in the moment.. Continuing, this woman found me at Southern Cross train station, sprawled across the pavement, with a bottle of vodka and my three phones in my hands, rejecting, rejecting, rejecting calls.
The moment I heard her voice, I felt my heart beat faster, as though I was myself again. Bending down to reach me, she placed her arms around me and held onto me tightly, assuring me everything was going to be okay.
I shed tears, not just that.. Wailed, Screamed; I broke down.
Walking me back to the car, holding my hand, we headed off to the Alfred Hospital.
I walked in after alot of convincing to get me there, regardless to whether I accepted, I knew they would drag me there; They're police officers!
I was asked several questions, did many tests and had to be psychologically evaluated.
This was the first time I'd ever spoken to a psychiatrist, I felt intimidated.. Her bold eyes just staring at me, she could see right through me, and never once smiled. A poker face. It scared the hell out of me, but eventually the questions were over and she announced that I was mentally Sane! (Not that I'd said that to her about 50 times already!)
I had to stay overnight, and although it was possibly the noisiest place that one could ever sleep at, with the beeping of the machines, and the constant nurses checking on me, not to mention the huge bright light shinning on my face; I didn't care - I felt content. I felt safe with "Beck" sitting beside me.
I was released that morning, and had a great lunch that day
with the one-and-only Derryn Hinch! There's of course, alot of things that still need to be answered.
As of now, I'm off to Flinders St Station clocks to "Meet" up with a few young teens wanting to tell me what they think of me.. Could be interesting!
On a lighter note; My exclusive with WHO magazine came out on the News stands today, so grab a copy!
Here's the short link, but you'll need to buy a copy to read the whole story! "My Side of the Story"
Kim. x x