Many of you jumped to conclusions the night that I posted on my twitter: "It's so peaceful up here... My heart says jump, but my brain says don't do it." Which understandably should be taken the wrong way.
I received an sms from someone who I once adored, telling me to kill myself.
And tell me honestly, what person would not be hurt by that? You'd have to be a robot not to be affected by it.
In a faze of downing a bottle of straight vodka, and breaking my promise to myself about keeping on the right track; I "Tweeted" that status.
Not to get more attention as most of you say, not to get the media to follow me.
You see, I'm the kind of person that says anything that's on my mind. And for the first time in my life, I'll admit - I did feel suicidal.
But, nevertheless, I would never attempt to actually kill myself.
The amount of people that I have seen or known who have committed have not only ended their own lives, but the people around them.
I rejected so many calls that night, refusing to speak to anyone.
Refusing help, refusing love.
I eventually sub missed to someone who I could trust with my heart and soul.
This person *I'll name her Beck* knows who she is, and I'm sure alot of you could guess upfront who I am talking about; Beck Is an amazing woman, friend and supportive figure to me.
She has been with me through everything since May, and I cannot even recall how many times she's saved my ass.
Words cannot describe how much she means to me. And; I'd like to thank her, So much that I'm booked in for a tattoo next week to get her last name on my inner right arm!
Getting a bit off track in the moment.. Continuing, this woman found me at Southern Cross train station, sprawled across the pavement, with a bottle of vodka and my three phones in my hands, rejecting, rejecting, rejecting calls.
The moment I heard her voice, I felt my heart beat faster, as though I was myself again. Bending down to reach me, she placed her arms around me and held onto me tightly, assuring me everything was going to be okay.
I shed tears, not just that.. Wailed, Screamed; I broke down.
Walking me back to the car, holding my hand, we headed off to the Alfred Hospital.
I walked in after alot of convincing to get me there, regardless to whether I accepted, I knew they would drag me there; They're police officers!
I was asked several questions, did many tests and had to be psychologically evaluated.
This was the first time I'd ever spoken to a psychiatrist, I felt intimidated.. Her bold eyes just staring at me, she could see right through me, and never once smiled. A poker face. It scared the hell out of me, but eventually the questions were over and she announced that I was mentally Sane! (Not that I'd said that to her about 50 times already!)
I had to stay overnight, and although it was possibly the noisiest place that one could ever sleep at, with the beeping of the machines, and the constant nurses checking on me, not to mention the huge bright light shinning on my face; I didn't care - I felt content. I felt safe with "Beck" sitting beside me.
I was released that morning, and had a great lunch that day
with the one-and-only Derryn Hinch! There's of course, alot of things that still need to be answered.
As of now, I'm off to Flinders St Station clocks to "Meet" up with a few young teens wanting to tell me what they think of me.. Could be interesting!
On a lighter note; My exclusive with WHO magazine came out on the News stands today, so grab a copy!
Here's the short link, but you'll need to buy a copy to read the whole story! "My Side of the Story"
Always here,
Kim. x x
37 comments:
good to hear you're ok!
- tork
http://torkona.blogspot.com
So you're going to repay the faith shown to you by Beck by going to smash some teens at the train station? I thought this situation had forced you to grow up?
If you don't want trouble and don't care what people think of you why are meeting "young teens?" you are a trouble maker pure and simple. Your time will be up soon enough.
Naturally the 'abusers' will be here to post their slander & bitterness so I'll head the comments by saying (as I did in my tweet to you) Show restraint with any taunters (particularly under the Clocks today). The pen (to borrow a cliche) is mightier than the sword.
Stay grounded. Keep moving through this. Let all criticsm be fuel for practising integrity.
Dakota
@ADR
Slander is a false and malicious claim. Ironic that you used that word so freely in your comment.
I can't believe you're not disgusted that she is going to the clock today. Do you think you have her best interests at heart?
Don't do it Kim... please :-/ Nothing good can come of it...
"and had a great lunch that day
with the one-and-only Derryn Hinch! There's of course, alot of things that still need to be answered. "
I agree. I emailed Hinch yesterday, asking him a series of questions about things in his articles that don't make sense to me. He hasn't answered yet. That's ok, I didn't expect an answer immediately but I assume someone who is demanding answers from everyone else will be as willing to answer some of his own.
Thanks for keeping us up to date. I was so worried about you, keep up the good work and take care of yourself.
ps - were you there with the short dude with loads of back fat as protection?
Most phones have a function called "off". It's useful when you don't want to take any calls.
Kim, lots of us have been pissed, as you said in your Who article which you are so happy for us all to read. Is that an excuse to shag someone in a room full of his buddies? I trust you enjoy your 15 minutes of fame. I don't think you will want to be remembered as the 'easy' girl who just wanted to be famous at the expense of everyone else ( you included ). I do hope you realise this and focus on yourself and furthering your chances in life rather than chasing popularity. I hope all is forgotten when you look for a life partner, and a career and more importantly when your children grow up...imagine them knowing what you did at a mere 17 years of age...
Does the article explain what the players from Carlton, Sydney, Richmond and "Perth clubs" did to her? Because by all accounts, they were also about to be exposed. Was that for revenge? What did they do to her?
Braid,
actually, I aimed to deter K from the Clocks by stating...'the pen is mightier...' (nothing can come from that potential confrontation she was pushing). Write, instead, is my point.
She "tangoed" there's no denying that.
But she's only 17.
And people here & @twitter etc say despicable things.
I shake my head at some of the stuff she gets up to...
but we all thought we knew how to handle ourselves, we all thought we were ready for the world at that age. Didnt you?
We learn later about our naievete and how 'young' we really were.
But this is her story. At this point.
So as an adult watching this very public teenager, in a world very different from when I was that age, I can only offer reflection.
Yes, she's been slandered. The vile things said to this teenager also makes me shake my head. So I encourage her not to take it personally. People are venting. People lack awareness. Dont react to the bad behaviour but to grow from it. Choose only to act with integrity.
That's not to deny she's played her part in getting 'here'.
But there's so much more to this story that we are all yet to realise.
So it's about showing some grace.
Requesting transparency from both sides.
And remaining as impartial as is possible when there is corruption from one end (clearly) and so many questions to be answered from both parties.
I have a strong sense of social justice (which you couldnt know about) and dont agree this young lady should be publically stoned despite some poor choices.
As someone who loves my game of footy I want the game respected.
And cant condone abuse of her just because of it.
I don't condone the despicable things being said. I'm not interested in calling her names and don't want to be associated with those idiots.
I don't see her age as being an issue, particularly not as she can claim to have grown up and a bigger person one day, but then happily slink back to being a 17 year old when it suits. Yes, we all made mistakes as 17 year olds but to not learn from them is the issue, and the continual messages of support for her "fighting the good fight" are not helping her.
If there is so much more to the story (which I doubt) then all she needs to do is tell the story, not by random tweets and promises of an autobiography, not with any more lies or attention-seeking rants, not with unfounded allegations or stolen videos which may implicate players, some of which aren't even playing for the club she hates and have done nothing wrong to her.
At some point, the girl has to grow up. Now seems like a great time to me.
Hey Kim,
Not sure if you read these comments (I hope you don't, because there are some low people with little else to do other than kick a girl when she's down, and laugh... rejoice... at her pain)... but anyway...
I am glad you're OK -- that tweet scared me and many other people.
I do wonder whether you're really OK though (just because you're sane doesn't mean you're OK!)... you've been through so much, and it seems to me that you're so full of anger, disappointment and betrayal, that you have to take it out on the one person who has disappointed you most -- yourself.
Sure, you've acted out against some AFL players, but really, the person you seem to hurt most is Kim: "self-harming" through drinking yourself into oblivion, rushing head-first into fights (legal, moral and physical) and placing yourself in positions (through Twitter and this blog) where people can cruelly call you the vilest things they can think of...
I don't know you, so I can only guess, but my theory is that as your track career seemed to stall, a core part of your identity was lost, and something had to fill the void -- having a famous boyfriend that shat all over your other friends' boyfriends probably helped, but only in a short-term, destructive kind of way...
My 2 cents is that I think you really need to get out of the public gaze (shut down your twitter account and your blog) and regroup. You're an intelligent girl (though sometimes foolish! ;-) ), and you're quite attractive (not always a blessing), and you will overcome this...
You certainly do stand up for yourself -- to the AFL, to the players, to the teens on Flinders St -- but while it's admirable, it's not always the best course of action.
Anyway, here endeth the lesson ;-)
So, I'm off to reward WHO magazine for shamelessly turning other people's misery into profits!
Be strong Kim, good luck with everything and I hope 2011 is a better year for you :-)
'There's of course, alot of things that still need to be answered'...I thought you said this was just about revenge? Didn't you get revenge by posting those photos? Starting to sound like Derryn now. Just be warned that his agenda is not about looking after the best interests of a 17 year old. I'm also betting that there will be no cosy lunches with Sam Gilbert in order to get a balanced story. Shame Derryn Shame!
Att Braid: Post your questions here.
I suspect you are full of wind. I have no truck with Hinch, but he can only have questions, he cant have answers.
@Greggy
I don't understand what you're getting at.
ive watched your twitter with much interest, you at times are brave, but also the stupidity you put yourself in situations to be abused by readers. before you get on your high horse and say what ever people dont understand etc etc etc..well i do understand being a father of a teenager at the time in a worst situation than yourself. yours was that of someone very young looking for excitement as you state and as footballers do, tossed you aside like your a piece of rubbish.well my daughters far worst.
you state you had been drinking? most males when a female is in a situation and drunk and vulnerable will mass like a pack of dogs on heat.
please take a step back and realise you are building yourself up for a huge melt down.its great you may put pen to paper and write a book.
the media as you may already know will hound you and feed off any word that may give them a story.
in regards to our experiance all the media wanted to ask was if fevola had any connection, the media was and as i read still obssesed with the guy. and no fevola wasnt connected in anyway.
silence with rumblings in the background makes people more nervous we found and yes a book is in the making our end too, my daughters only way to heal her wounds after being treated so badly.
Glad you're OK - you have the makings of a writer. Keep it up.
You're 17, right? Yet you are over-indulging in alcohol (and drinking underage), hanging around with footballers, and have 3 mobile phones? What a charming look that must have been for people walking by, seeing a 17 year old drunk girl sprawled on some pavement. For heavens sake girl, get over yourself. You really really REALLY need to get some professional help. Your attention seeking behavior borders on narcissism, and you are indulging over and over in dangerous, self indulgent, destructive behavior. And I believe that you quite deliberately sought attention with your "It's so peaceful up here... My heart says jump, but my brain says don't do it." twitter. Do you really want to hit 30 with your looks, your liver and your brain cells ruined? If not, then *stop* with the exhibitionism, get off the grog, and get some proper help.
@ADR totally agree with your opinion
Who among those commenting is the parent of a girl of the current internet generation who was sexually assaulted, abused or exploited?
@Braid
@tinks84
I suspect that neither of you have had a lot do with today's youth.
Many of them, and these are just the kids from what are commonly called good homes attending expensive private schools, are a bunch of feral little shits who hunt in packs in their schools; their local communities; on the internet; and by SMS. They hunt people who were their friends yesterday, and people they don't know.
A lot of girls threaten physical violence towards other girls, and some carry it out. We've come a long way, all of it downwards, from previous generations where girls generally didn't engage in such behaviour.
Wow.....just 25 comments? Hope your 15 minutes was fun...it's all over now.
It surprises me how mature people are expecting at 17 year old to be. Teen years are all about sometimes seeming like an adult, and others being still a child.
People in pain act out, and make mistakes and do stupid things. This is just happening publically. If anyone thinks that this type of mob mentality is limited to this story, should peruse a few public teen profiles for some major bullying.
It's just a pity the some of the adults here can't see their behaviour is the same.
@chiwuwu
Exactly.
Well said.
Derryn Hinch has cancer and is very ill. I seriously doubt he would have lunch with a 17 year old girl desperate for attention. Women worked hard for their rights in society. You should be ashamed. Your story reads like this "Wah I fell in love with a football player, I had sex with him and his friends, he got over me and broke my heart so now I'm just going to be a bitter person by trying to ruin his life publicly but posting nude photos of other football players" explain to me how that make sense? You sleep with one player yet you choose to embarrass another? You are a child. You need to grow up. No wonder why your parents have abandoned you and the whole of Australia thinks you are a disgrace. You are such a slut.
Kim you hold strong against this scum that post against you. They are the real scum, good luck under the clock
Sane? You are fucking joking! The suicide option will start looking really good soon. Go for it. Go on. Just do it. Slut. I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. How much cock do you suck for free hotel rooms? You deserve every hardship that comes to you. You are ghetto-fucking-trash! Amazingly fucking hideous. Thanks for the freak show baby! Keep the show rolling please! Woo-hoo. Go trainwreck. You're so good at this! Make me a banner that says my hole isn't too loose from all the times I've been banged. Ha ha. You stupid slut. Thanks for the memories.
and Bert is what St Kilda stands for he states it all so well
YOUR A PSYCHO!!!! she's not your mother she's my mother and don't get our name tattooed on you, your an embarrassment to all women!!! plus your weird stalker stop annoying everyone
also - who is Sooty, he wrote to you above. His daughter is the sort of person you should be speaking to directly (that and of course your 'Beth'). But I mean just to know you're not alone. You were very lucky that you didn't experience any sexual assault (well I hope you didn't!), which is why you need to be sensitive to the interests and feelings of people like Sooty and his daughter. Working together you can learn and accomplish more. That is if you want to make real change, instead of just being slaughtered by the media and the public.
WHo is Sooty?! I saw his comment above.
He and his daughter are people you should be speaking to. You can know your not alone and get some advice from someone who has gone through something similar. Sooty is right when he says that you didn't experience sexual assault (well I hope you didn't!), but that doesn't mean that demeaning sexual acts committed against a minor should be ignored. I believe that it is these demeaning sex acts and treatment of women which lead the footballers to rape. They don't see you as a person, so consent is not an issue to them.
You should speak to Sooty and work together. Change can only occur when the women stick together. I'm interested in what Sooty and his daughter have to say. The more evidence and reports we have the less easy it is for the media and AFL to ignore, and that's when change occurs.
Kim, common theme here, GET HELP. Stop seeking attention and move on. You've clearly made your point and short of a public apology from Sam and St Kilda you are not going to get much else. We all congratulate your courage but its over now. You are being a stalker. Don't go and undue all the good work you have done by turning into a Muppet. Settle down, find yourself a job or go back to school. Axe your mobiles, stop getting on the piss and get your life together.
And BTW, I listened to the interview on NOVA and you had plenty of time and opportunity to get your side across. In fact the Who magazine article should have got it across as well. I'm not quite sure what else you want to get across. We don't really need to know all the sordid details. I'm pretty sure we all get it. Kim, please for your own sake, just snap out of it and move forward.
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