Monday, December 27, 2010

Is it worth it?

Throughout everything, I've been a very strong woman, I have never backed down from anything in my life before.
But just recently, I have realised and listened to what a lot of people have said.. And, I don't think I can be that strong woman anymore. I've tried so hard to keep it going, even to the point of denying sleep and food to prove to myself how strong I was.

Today, after having a big night in the city, I sat at Flinders Street station for 3 hours, crying and reassuring everyone who asked me if "I was okay?" that "I was fine, I'm always fine, thanks."

I eventually jumped on the train and headed back towards Frankston, in hope that my parents would let me back into their lives, that they could see what state I was in, and realise that I finally agreed to getting help.
After walking the whole way from Frankston station to their house, (about 16kms), I arrived at their house and walked in, I ran to my mum and hugged her, not just hugged her, I mean almost suffocated her - That's how much I wanted her to love me again. I don't know if many people have been in a situation like that before, but I can tell you that just thinking about it now breaks my heart.

After pouring my heart out to my mother apologising for everything that I'd done this year, she cried with me and comforted me, it felt good just to have her arms around me for the first time in a week. That moment was quickly destroyed when my father told me to leave and get out - To which I was speechless, I thought they were going to say yes to me coming back into their home, so my heart was shattered into a million pieces when I heard those two words "GET OUT", although I'm sure they could relate because that's how they probably felt when I released the photo's.

I had one place I could go to stay tonight, and that was my best friends parents house. They're great people, and have supported me from the start - They have never judged me. I respect them immensely for that.

So, now I sit here on the computer, after reading Derryn Hinch's latest blog (Read Here), and I definitely respect that man, Ive never met him, but after reading his last few blog posts, it quite easy to see that he is catching onto what the real truth is. He is raising alot of questions that haven't been answered before, and more to the point - Has made the connection that original story is the real problem.

A lot of you thought this was all over in mid May-June, but I can tell you, when you hold on to so many lies, there really is no ending until you crack one day and release them.

My point being, there was something illegal that occurred, in fact many things; But unfortunately at the time, I was a 16 year old girl, who was very vulnerable and could be intimidated by anyone.

I'll leave it at that, I'm just trying to say that I have been perceived very horribly in the media, and I think I would be judged differently when I tell my side of the story, but in the meantime, I think I'll leave those deceptive lies from St.Kilda in the Victorian Police's hands.

Thank-you to all of the supporters, and I hope that all of the haters haven't completely made their minds up yet.
-Kim, x x