Thought I'd start this blog off with how I'm feeling:
AAAGHAGAHGAHDLSFHLKFJKFSFDDHHDHDHDHDHDHDHDH!!!!
Mixed emotions.
You can't blame me, I just listened to the NOVA interview again.
Most of you support me in saying that Hughesy and Kate wouldn't let me speak, and if you listen, you'll notice within the first five minutes, I can't even complete my sentences, because I am rudely interrupted every few seconds.
I'll agree though, I was a bit of a mess, I would definitely class that as my worst interview!
The amount of times that I said "Ummmmm" or couldn't give a straight answer was showing that:
A)- I wasn't prepared for what I was asked, and couldn't even seem to think of an answer to "What am I trying to achieve?" I mean, how simple is that? I've been able to present myself in what I believe is a reasonable manner and can quite easily answer every question in front of camera's. But this felt different, I suppose I didn't know what I was in for when I was contacted late last night regarding this interview and;
B) - It was a 7am interview, to which I'd clearly just woken up. Ha! My brain was still sleeping!
Regardless, BAD INTERVIEW. End of story.
Now, jumping back to yesterday - St.Kilda's Grand Opening Training Day!
My oh my, wasn't that fun.
I had it planned out in my head a little something like this:
-I'd post up banners the night before, show up the next morning at 5'30am with a few friends and sit out the front of the signs; Protecting them, making sure no-one would rip them down.
-A few people that would show up to the training would support me, mainly women and elderly people.
-No-one would dare abuse me, because they would be too busy watching St.Kilda train, they would barely notice I was there, and if they did, there might be the odd comment or two.
WOW, I can't even explain how wrong I was!!!
Let me take you through it..
At around 1am, my friend and I drove to the new St.Kilda training ground, with hundreds of banners, (Not just the A4 sized ones, I'm talking like 6ft tall ones.)
All the lights were on and a few security guards were there, in their cars.
I jumped out, and called one over, to suss out the situation.
He approached me with a smile, nodded and said "Hi Kim."
Surprised, I laughed and managed to find out alot of details about when the coaches/players were arriving, what time the temporary fences would be down, and what time the security guards finished that night.
Happily moving on, my friend and I posted the signs all along the fence-line of the nature park, and tree's garbage bins - Everywhere.
We headed back to my hotel in the city to sleep, and I set my alarm for 4'45am, prepared to be back down at Seaford before the officials arrived at 6am.
Of course, I slept through the alarm and woke at 8am.
I walked down the same street that I had posted the banners no longer that 7 hours ago, to find them all ripped up, and inside the actually nature reserve.
And trust me, it wasn't the wind that had done it.
After receiving many calls from the media, and confirming that yes I was 5 minutes away, I turned the corner to see alot of news camera's set-up.
I walked over the little fence, and noticed that everyone was staring at me, which was fine, I'm honestly used to getting the death stare from previous AFL games.
At that moment, the media just stood there, filming me. I didn't know what to do.. So I just stood tall and watched the players.
This went on for the next 5 or 10 minutes, everyone was just silent.
It was so awkward!
I was then approached by an obvious St.Kilda supporter, who initially picked up a stick, and started snapping it in half angrily in front of me, telling me I wasn't wanted here, and that everyone hates me.
He called me an attention seeker, and to which the media started to interview him, I was curious as to why HE in fact was calling me an attention seeker, when he was the one who was trying to get his face on the Television?
Throughout the training session I was approached by many Saints supporters abusing me whilst I was doing a few interviews.
Mainly saying all the same things as mentioned above. How original.
I had heard of a few journalists that the CEO (Michael.N) was here and talking to the media, so of course - Wanting to talk to him, I followed. As I left the oval, I received many comments saying "Finally, you're leaving, it's about time!!" To which, I don't think the Saints supporters realised nothing of what they were saying affected me! As I sure many of you saw on the news, I was obviously refused entry inside the gates!
Eventually the training finished, and supporters began to leave.
abusing me on their way out, mind you, I was pissing myself laughing at their comments, and immaturely hitting back to anything they shouted out.
Finally they all left, and I began to scatter the handmade posters all over the ground, laughing as the security guards were forced to pick them up. But after tossing at least 200 pages on the ground, they gave up and waited for me to finish displaying my signs.
A few of my favourite signs were:
-Women's Rights.
-"RESPECT": AFL can you spell that for me?
-St. Scandal.
-AFL (All Fucking Lies.)
An eventful day, which didn't in fact turn out in my favour.
As for last night, my Best Friend Siobhan posted the hotel/room# of where we were staying.
Just to clear up a few things, RE: Getting vacated from the hotel.
I received a call after the NOVA interview, from the manager explaining he had heard what was posted on twitter, concerned about the hotel's security, etc, etc, etc.
I retaliated, angry already and didn't suppress my anger very well.
I was told to leave that morning!
And that was that.
Any who, this blog has taken me forever to write.
So enjoy.
Also; I've disabled being able to make comments, as I don't read them anyway, and most of them are from a certain iCoach 2.0, which is a pathetic excuse for a human being.
You know where to find me:
@Its_K_Isabella
Much love to all the Queenslanders at the moment, I wish you all the luck in the world right now.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
What now?
Hi All.
Once again, I'm in a strife!
I've been told I can move into a new house that's been arranged by the police on Wednesday, or the latest on Friday. So, that's exciting for me!
Here's the problem:
I've been staying at my nan's house for the past few days, loving the quiet life.
But, recently - WHO magazine was published, and let's just say, there was something published in it which I didn't want to be printed. "Her mother suffers from Bipolar Disorder".
And with those 6 words, I was told to leave my grandmothers.
So, now; Once again, I am stuck with a massive duffel bag - Full of clothes, make-up, chargers, etc.
The same bag from the airport, which weighed 22kg's to be exact.
So, with many things to do and people to see today, I am forced to carry around this bag, drop it every 50metres for a break and try and answer calls in between. I can tell you now, It hasn't been the best day!
Mind you, on top of that, I'm trying to find somewhere to stay tonight, as now -
-My entire family has pushed me away.
-Most of my friends are interstate.
And the main factor is: Even if I am offered a place by friends, once their parents know it's me who is staying, "There isn't enough room, sorry!"
That's what I really hate, is when people judge me for what they read and from what they hear.
It's quite pathetic actually, but I can't even begin to imagine how long it would take me to explain my story to each individual, and even still there's a chance no-one will believe it.
That's the thing with first impressions and reputations, they can be tattered so easily, one split second is all it takes, one comment, one photo. But, that's life.
I realise who my true friends are.
In a sense, I feel as though I no longer have a family.
Which saddens me.
I thought blood was thicker than water?
Much love,
Kim. x x
Once again, I'm in a strife!
I've been told I can move into a new house that's been arranged by the police on Wednesday, or the latest on Friday. So, that's exciting for me!
Here's the problem:
I've been staying at my nan's house for the past few days, loving the quiet life.
But, recently - WHO magazine was published, and let's just say, there was something published in it which I didn't want to be printed. "Her mother suffers from Bipolar Disorder".
And with those 6 words, I was told to leave my grandmothers.
So, now; Once again, I am stuck with a massive duffel bag - Full of clothes, make-up, chargers, etc.
The same bag from the airport, which weighed 22kg's to be exact.
So, with many things to do and people to see today, I am forced to carry around this bag, drop it every 50metres for a break and try and answer calls in between. I can tell you now, It hasn't been the best day!
Mind you, on top of that, I'm trying to find somewhere to stay tonight, as now -
-My entire family has pushed me away.
-Most of my friends are interstate.
And the main factor is: Even if I am offered a place by friends, once their parents know it's me who is staying, "There isn't enough room, sorry!"
That's what I really hate, is when people judge me for what they read and from what they hear.
It's quite pathetic actually, but I can't even begin to imagine how long it would take me to explain my story to each individual, and even still there's a chance no-one will believe it.
That's the thing with first impressions and reputations, they can be tattered so easily, one split second is all it takes, one comment, one photo. But, that's life.
I realise who my true friends are.
In a sense, I feel as though I no longer have a family.
Which saddens me.
I thought blood was thicker than water?
Much love,
Kim. x x
Saturday, January 8, 2011
What really gets to me...
Now, I realise alot of things get to me nowadays, but yet I always get in control of them after a little rant.
But the one thing that really gets under my skin, scratching away is: The AFL's lies.
I read alot of blogs about myself, and take most of them with a grain of salt, but recently, this one paragraph keeps blowing up in my face, which I cannot refuse to express my anger and concern about it anymore..
“There would have been at least 20 occasions were there has been meetings that we (AFL) have been involved in with this girl and we’ve also provided her with counseling service, support services, certainly accommodation, we’ve offered her assistance to provide counselling, we’ve offered support to her parents. We take these matters very seriously when we’ve got a person in our organisation that's responsible for looking after these matters."
I don't understand how the AFL can continue to say that, and lie to the media - Obviously to make themselves look better.
But let's talk truth for a moment;
1- Meeting with the AFL at least 20 times?
But the one thing that really gets under my skin, scratching away is: The AFL's lies.
I read alot of blogs about myself, and take most of them with a grain of salt, but recently, this one paragraph keeps blowing up in my face, which I cannot refuse to express my anger and concern about it anymore..
“There would have been at least 20 occasions were there has been meetings that we (AFL) have been involved in with this girl and we’ve also provided her with counseling service, support services, certainly accommodation, we’ve offered her assistance to provide counselling, we’ve offered support to her parents. We take these matters very seriously when we’ve got a person in our organisation that's responsible for looking after these matters."
I don't understand how the AFL can continue to say that, and lie to the media - Obviously to make themselves look better.
But let's talk truth for a moment;
1- Meeting with the AFL at least 20 times?
- They're kidding you, as I recall; I've only ever walked through the doors of the AFL house a maximum amount of 5 times.
The First: Back in May, when things were first released to the public and AFL; RE: Pregnancy.
The Second: A private investigative matter.
The Third: As above.
The Fourth: Around November was the last time I made contact with Sue Clark (Head of Respect and Responsibility), I'd organised to meet with her a few days before hand to give a statement on Steven Baker (Of St.Kilda; #10) sending me abusive facebook messages which were completely irrelevant, in respect that I'd never met him before. On the day, Clark asked to see the photo's which she had obviously heard about through Ricky Nixon a few days prior.
Clark saw them, and just advised me not to publish them out of respecting their privacy.
No threats, No [DO NOT DO THAT], nothing really, just a simple "I don't think you should do that, but it's your decision."
So, summing that rumour up, If in the AFL world, they choose to "times (x5)" everything by 5, then sure I did meet them 20 times?
2. Provided me with Counselling, Accommodation and Support Services?
Oh, okay? This is news to me.
I'd LOVE to know when I was offered counselling! I was never offered counselling, accommodation, support services, counselling with my parents? Nothing!
Now, that I am confused with.
As I recall, I remember showing up to the AFL house, and having to give an almost 2 hour Phone conference statement to Sue Clark; regarding a sexual assault matter, involving a player.
How comforting, exploiting details of my horrible experience through a phone that's on loudspeaker with two other people I've never met before in the room.
After Sue learnt that I had no-where to stay that night, and after "Trying her hardest", She resulted in calling "Beck" who I mentioned earlier in my other blogs.
Tell me how a multi-million? Billion? dollar company cannot afford $80 a night for a hotel.
Regardless, I was happy to go back with Beck, but still, I didn't feel satisfied in what had just happened; Not the accommodation, the statement.
Jumping back to May, After I left the AFL house, Sue gave me a lecture, like she does in most times that I meet with her, and I could just tell by the tone of her voice that nothing was going to eventuate from my statement, everyone would be cleared of any wrong-doing.
And as I sat in the conference room recently; I again could read her voice.
I can tell now, nothing is going to happen. I don't know why I bother sometimes, In-between her saying "Riiighhhttttt" (For anyone who's met her will understand what I'm talking about),the poker-face; Similar to the psychologist I was talking about earlier, and the tone in her voice which shows NO sympathy.
She's a tough lady to read, but it was crystal clear to me what was going to happen.
I just wish that the AFL would realise that I will stand up to them, and even though I know that the amount of people on my side is barely a 30:70 ratio, I feel strong that I'm telling this story.
We can only wait and see what happens.
Kim. x x
Friday, January 7, 2011
Hospital.
Sorry about the delay of posting this blog, but as promised - Here it is.
Many of you jumped to conclusions the night that I posted on my twitter: "It's so peaceful up here... My heart says jump, but my brain says don't do it." Which understandably should be taken the wrong way.
I received an sms from someone who I once adored, telling me to kill myself.
And tell me honestly, what person would not be hurt by that? You'd have to be a robot not to be affected by it.
In a faze of downing a bottle of straight vodka, and breaking my promise to myself about keeping on the right track; I "Tweeted" that status.
Not to get more attention as most of you say, not to get the media to follow me.
You see, I'm the kind of person that says anything that's on my mind. And for the first time in my life, I'll admit - I did feel suicidal.
But, nevertheless, I would never attempt to actually kill myself.
The amount of people that I have seen or known who have committed have not only ended their own lives, but the people around them.
I rejected so many calls that night, refusing to speak to anyone.
Refusing help, refusing love.
I eventually sub missed to someone who I could trust with my heart and soul.
This person *I'll name her Beck* knows who she is, and I'm sure alot of you could guess upfront who I am talking about; Beck Is an amazing woman, friend and supportive figure to me.
She has been with me through everything since May, and I cannot even recall how many times she's saved my ass.
Words cannot describe how much she means to me. And; I'd like to thank her, So much that I'm booked in for a tattoo next week to get her last name on my inner right arm!
Getting a bit off track in the moment.. Continuing, this woman found me at Southern Cross train station, sprawled across the pavement, with a bottle of vodka and my three phones in my hands, rejecting, rejecting, rejecting calls.
The moment I heard her voice, I felt my heart beat faster, as though I was myself again. Bending down to reach me, she placed her arms around me and held onto me tightly, assuring me everything was going to be okay.
I shed tears, not just that.. Wailed, Screamed; I broke down.
Walking me back to the car, holding my hand, we headed off to the Alfred Hospital.
I walked in after alot of convincing to get me there, regardless to whether I accepted, I knew they would drag me there; They're police officers!
I was asked several questions, did many tests and had to be psychologically evaluated.
This was the first time I'd ever spoken to a psychiatrist, I felt intimidated.. Her bold eyes just staring at me, she could see right through me, and never once smiled. A poker face. It scared the hell out of me, but eventually the questions were over and she announced that I was mentally Sane! (Not that I'd said that to her about 50 times already!)
I had to stay overnight, and although it was possibly the noisiest place that one could ever sleep at, with the beeping of the machines, and the constant nurses checking on me, not to mention the huge bright light shinning on my face; I didn't care - I felt content. I felt safe with "Beck" sitting beside me.
I was released that morning, and had a great lunch that day
with the one-and-only Derryn Hinch! There's of course, alot of things that still need to be answered.
As of now, I'm off to Flinders St Station clocks to "Meet" up with a few young teens wanting to tell me what they think of me.. Could be interesting!
On a lighter note; My exclusive with WHO magazine came out on the News stands today, so grab a copy!
Here's the short link, but you'll need to buy a copy to read the whole story! "My Side of the Story"
Always here,
Kim. x x
Many of you jumped to conclusions the night that I posted on my twitter: "It's so peaceful up here... My heart says jump, but my brain says don't do it." Which understandably should be taken the wrong way.
I received an sms from someone who I once adored, telling me to kill myself.
And tell me honestly, what person would not be hurt by that? You'd have to be a robot not to be affected by it.
In a faze of downing a bottle of straight vodka, and breaking my promise to myself about keeping on the right track; I "Tweeted" that status.
Not to get more attention as most of you say, not to get the media to follow me.
You see, I'm the kind of person that says anything that's on my mind. And for the first time in my life, I'll admit - I did feel suicidal.
But, nevertheless, I would never attempt to actually kill myself.
The amount of people that I have seen or known who have committed have not only ended their own lives, but the people around them.
I rejected so many calls that night, refusing to speak to anyone.
Refusing help, refusing love.
I eventually sub missed to someone who I could trust with my heart and soul.
This person *I'll name her Beck* knows who she is, and I'm sure alot of you could guess upfront who I am talking about; Beck Is an amazing woman, friend and supportive figure to me.
She has been with me through everything since May, and I cannot even recall how many times she's saved my ass.
Words cannot describe how much she means to me. And; I'd like to thank her, So much that I'm booked in for a tattoo next week to get her last name on my inner right arm!
Getting a bit off track in the moment.. Continuing, this woman found me at Southern Cross train station, sprawled across the pavement, with a bottle of vodka and my three phones in my hands, rejecting, rejecting, rejecting calls.
The moment I heard her voice, I felt my heart beat faster, as though I was myself again. Bending down to reach me, she placed her arms around me and held onto me tightly, assuring me everything was going to be okay.
I shed tears, not just that.. Wailed, Screamed; I broke down.
Walking me back to the car, holding my hand, we headed off to the Alfred Hospital.
I walked in after alot of convincing to get me there, regardless to whether I accepted, I knew they would drag me there; They're police officers!
I was asked several questions, did many tests and had to be psychologically evaluated.
This was the first time I'd ever spoken to a psychiatrist, I felt intimidated.. Her bold eyes just staring at me, she could see right through me, and never once smiled. A poker face. It scared the hell out of me, but eventually the questions were over and she announced that I was mentally Sane! (Not that I'd said that to her about 50 times already!)
I had to stay overnight, and although it was possibly the noisiest place that one could ever sleep at, with the beeping of the machines, and the constant nurses checking on me, not to mention the huge bright light shinning on my face; I didn't care - I felt content. I felt safe with "Beck" sitting beside me.
I was released that morning, and had a great lunch that day
with the one-and-only Derryn Hinch! There's of course, alot of things that still need to be answered.
As of now, I'm off to Flinders St Station clocks to "Meet" up with a few young teens wanting to tell me what they think of me.. Could be interesting!
On a lighter note; My exclusive with WHO magazine came out on the News stands today, so grab a copy!
Here's the short link, but you'll need to buy a copy to read the whole story! "My Side of the Story"
Always here,
Kim. x x
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Some of my meaningful quotes.
-Success is the best revenge
-Sometimes we know we shouldn't and that's exactly why we do. I would rather do something and find out that it was wrong, than never know if it was right.
-Every now and then life needs to be turned upside down to get back to the right side up
-I'm stronger because of my hard times, wiser because of my mistakes, happier because of my sad experiences, and smarter because of my moments of confusion
-Self-Importance prevents a person from seeing the the value in others. Self-Confidence empowers a person to seek out the value in others.
-Problem and Reality are different. Every Problem has a solution, while Reality has none. A Problem is meant to be solved and Reality is meant to be accepted.
-Why be a copy when an original is worth much more?
-Go for the happy endings,
because life doesn't have any sequels.
Just a few inspirational quotes, that keep me going!
-Sometimes we know we shouldn't and that's exactly why we do. I would rather do something and find out that it was wrong, than never know if it was right.
-Every now and then life needs to be turned upside down to get back to the right side up
-I'm stronger because of my hard times, wiser because of my mistakes, happier because of my sad experiences, and smarter because of my moments of confusion
-Self-Importance prevents a person from seeing the the value in others. Self-Confidence empowers a person to seek out the value in others.
-Problem and Reality are different. Every Problem has a solution, while Reality has none. A Problem is meant to be solved and Reality is meant to be accepted.
-Why be a copy when an original is worth much more?
-Go for the happy endings,
because life doesn't have any sequels.
Just a few inspirational quotes, that keep me going!
2011.
Hi all,
I trust that you had a very safe new years, and hope that there's not too many hangovers lingering...!
I spent my new years in Melbourne City, with my bestfriend.
We watched the fireworks at Federation Square, and caught a taxi back to our hotel at 12'30am and went to bed.
Strange? Unlike me? I hear most of you saying.
I figured I want to start this new year with a positive, no hangover, no "one night stand" regrets, no drugs, no clubbing. I feel content, and sit here eagerly writting this blog - Proud of myself.
I look forward to what 2011 will bring me, but I also worry.
I worry, for the fact that not only do I have to fight until I can no longer stand against St.Kilda, I also have to battle-on with 3 other court cases, all linked to St.Kilda somehow.
I need to be stronger this year, no more silly decisions, no more putting myself in bad situations.
I can't blame the AFL or St.Kilda for everything, of course it "Takes two to tango" as most of you say, and I'll be the first to admit that. And in saying that, I'd like to apologise to anyone who may have been hurt along the way.
I'm sure it's hard for most of you to imagine even an 8th of this situation, and it's honestly so hard to explain how one could feel. There's alot of emotions that are involved; regret, love, hope, pain, sadness.
But those are just emotions, and we can change those in a split-second if we really desire to change them, it's possible.
In a strange enough way, I would like to thank St.Kilda for making me grow up faster, giving me life experience; and mostly - opening my eyes to reality, of course... After I was treated with utter disrespect, but that's life, correct?
There's some things in life that we can never change, no amount of money or wishes in the world could turn back time, so we must look forward and learn from the challenges we've faced.
Leaving you with that,
I hope you all are seeing the truth uncovered slowly.. Derryn is doing a great job.
St.Kilda need to be answering these questions, and they also need to realise that I'm not just another girl that they can sweep under the carpet; I stand up for what I believe in. And as I mentioned previously, I will stand tall until the truth is known.
Won't be sitting down anytime soon,
Kim.
twitter.com/its_k_isabella
[Wishing you the best for 2011, hoping all your dreams come true. xx]
I trust that you had a very safe new years, and hope that there's not too many hangovers lingering...!
I spent my new years in Melbourne City, with my bestfriend.
We watched the fireworks at Federation Square, and caught a taxi back to our hotel at 12'30am and went to bed.
Strange? Unlike me? I hear most of you saying.
I figured I want to start this new year with a positive, no hangover, no "one night stand" regrets, no drugs, no clubbing. I feel content, and sit here eagerly writting this blog - Proud of myself.
I look forward to what 2011 will bring me, but I also worry.
I worry, for the fact that not only do I have to fight until I can no longer stand against St.Kilda, I also have to battle-on with 3 other court cases, all linked to St.Kilda somehow.
I need to be stronger this year, no more silly decisions, no more putting myself in bad situations.
I can't blame the AFL or St.Kilda for everything, of course it "Takes two to tango" as most of you say, and I'll be the first to admit that. And in saying that, I'd like to apologise to anyone who may have been hurt along the way.
I'm sure it's hard for most of you to imagine even an 8th of this situation, and it's honestly so hard to explain how one could feel. There's alot of emotions that are involved; regret, love, hope, pain, sadness.
But those are just emotions, and we can change those in a split-second if we really desire to change them, it's possible.
In a strange enough way, I would like to thank St.Kilda for making me grow up faster, giving me life experience; and mostly - opening my eyes to reality, of course... After I was treated with utter disrespect, but that's life, correct?
There's some things in life that we can never change, no amount of money or wishes in the world could turn back time, so we must look forward and learn from the challenges we've faced.
Leaving you with that,
I hope you all are seeing the truth uncovered slowly.. Derryn is doing a great job.
St.Kilda need to be answering these questions, and they also need to realise that I'm not just another girl that they can sweep under the carpet; I stand up for what I believe in. And as I mentioned previously, I will stand tall until the truth is known.
Won't be sitting down anytime soon,
Kim.
twitter.com/its_k_isabella
[Wishing you the best for 2011, hoping all your dreams come true. xx]
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